There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else, there’s MobsterCard. Introducing MobsterCard, the best way to pay for everything you don’t want publicized.

In honor of the debut of the newest payment method for mobsters everywhere, we’ve put a little something together for you, the official DBM Mobster Name Generator! Simply plug your name into the generator and hit the button to see your mobster name! And as an added bonus, we’ll even give you an honorary position in our crew…at least until you make your bones. Go on and give it a whirl! Whaddya got to lose?

Featuring the ducks Phil McQuacken and Orso Moretti of Dogs, Ducks and Aliens, created by Ben Starzec.

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↓ Transcript
Panel 1:
[Benny is at the computer inputting receipts.]
Benny the Bookie: "Rope?"
Jimmy the Nose: "$7.50"

Panel 2:
Benny the Bookie: "Duct tape?"
Jimmy the Nose: "$2.75"

Panel 3:
Benny the Bookie: "Shovel?"
Jimmy the Nose: "$12.98"

Panel 4:
[Frankie the Force and Vic the Lead are with the mobster ducks from Dogs, Ducks and Aliens digging a grave for a rat.]
Caption: "Never having to see that rat again?"
Frankie the Force: [thinking] "Priceless."

Panel 5:
For everything else there's MobsterCard.